The Creeper in the Kitchen

Wednesday night, I was in the basement kitchen of my dorm, baking for my government class. I didn't know teachers could assign you to cook for everyone in the class, but apparently they can. So I was doing the lazy thing and using this recipe for cookies which is basically from Baking for Dummies Males.

There's a study room down the hallway - down the hallway and through three doors, mind you - from the kitchen. You know those Pillsbury commercials where you pop dough in the oven and the kids come running from all corners of the earth after smelling the heavenly wafted scents? By the way, I'm super proud of myself for this pop-culture reference considering I've never owned a TV.

Anyways, it turns out that those commercials aren't so misleading after all. Midway through baking, the door to the kitchen opens and a stranger steps inside. His eyes were glistening. His mouth was hanging open. I may have spotted drool. Needless to say, I was terrifed.

Cookie Worshiper: That smells fantastic.
Me: Oh. Thanks.
Cookie Worshipper: I came from all the way down the hallway when I smelled it.
Me: Oh...
Cookie Worshiper Major Creeper: I guess I just followed my nose to you.

This last statement was made with a widening of eyes and slow incremental steps towards me. I gripped my laptop, ready to use it as a bludgeon if necessary. Seriously, from in that basement I don't think anyone would hear me scream. He sat down at the kitchen table across from me and I relaxed slightly, deciding he probably wasn't going to tear out my jugular with his teeth, but that I was almost definitely going to have to make uncomfortable conversation.

I don't know if he expected me to offer him a cookie, but I didn't. He told me his name and I recovered my politeness enough to say "nice to meet you" or something to that effect, but I don't even remember how I finally got rid of him.

So boys, if you want to talk to a girl, please don't act like you're a worst-case-raving-mad or best-case-socially-inept recovering (cookie) addict and they're holding out a plate of chocolate chips. And girls, remember that the old expression "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" is just not true. It's apparently through his nose.