I love making lists.

Here is a list of awkward reactions to my newly-shorn hair. I posted it on Facebook and on this blog so I would stop getting so many shocked faces pointed my way, but that hasn't stopped some of these truly classic comments, none of which I truly took offense to. Following each comment is what I would've responded with if I hadn't just awkwardly laughed. If you're reading this and one of these comments looks familiar, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

1) "What are you going to do about the dyke comments? I hadn't gotten any such comments... until now. DOES THIS MEAN I LOOK LIKE ELLEN??? Because even though she's definitely my favorite lesbian,  I don't know if I would consider her my style icon.

2) "Did you go to a hair stylist or do it yourself?"Wow. Okay. It looks that bad?

3) "Did you just ask her to make you look like you came from the sixties?" If you are agreeing with the six people who have told me that I look like Julie Andrews from the Sound of Music (aka, the most perfect human being ever to walk the face of the earth) then of course I did!

4) "Oh, you look like my mom!" ... I'm nineteen. How old was she when she had you???

5) "You're lucky you're pretty." Thank you, by the way :)

6) "It's a cute haircut, but it doesn't suit you." We're not friends anymore.

7) "It looks very... classic." Translation: you look like you've been living in a cave and watching Turner classic movies for years. 

8) "Why would you do that?"  You have a buzz cut... why did you do that? Your skull is not exactly as flawless as a baby's bottom. 

9) "It's a very smart haircut. You look smart." I feel like you just compared me to Hilary Clinton. And did long hair make me look, I don't know, vapid? 

10) "I'll warn you, some guys aren't into that." If a guy cares that much about my hair, maybe he shouldn't be dating me. Or girls in general. 

11) "Oh, you got in a fight with a lawnmower!" How about I hold your head under a lawnmower and you tell me how it feels.


12) "Girl you FIERCE!" Yes, I'm black.

Now, guess how many of those comments were from guys? All but two (1 and 10 were girls). Yep, even 12.

Not that I'm bitter. The response has been overwhelmingly positive, and I have zero regrets. I advocate that every girl chop her hair off! And I advocate that every guy grow his out long so he can see what a pain in the butt it is and how much of a relief it is to just hack it off.

Speaking of guys, the demographic of guys who check me out is totally different now. Less frat star, more argyle-wearing, Dostoevsky-reading, Fleet Foxes-listening grad student. Winning.