I am a super awkward hugger. Here’s a list of awkward hugs:
1) When you do the awkward back pat. I feel like I’m your coach or something…like, “way to go, kid, I’m proud of you, but I don’t exactly want to rub your back… that’s too intimate. I’ll pat instead.”
2) When I bang my chin on your collarbone. This mostly happens if you’re taller than I am and I instinctively turn my torso away from yours and lock my elbows to avoid full-body contact. And it actually hurts.
3) The face collision. No, I wasn’t trying to kiss your lips, mouth, chin, cheek or ear.
4) Once, I tried to deflect a hug when he was already holding out his arms. I put out one hand and turned it into a weird high-five thing, nearly dislocating my shoulder in the process.
5) When you’re with a friend, and you run into their friend. They hug the friend and then feel like they can’t leave you out… but you don’t know them.
6) The Sneak Attack Hug. Didn’t see that one coming…
7) When we both reach up and try to put our arms around each other’s necks. Somebody’s got to go with the waist, amigo. However, if we’re not really close, your hands shouldn’t be anywhere beneath my waist. And don’t try to tell me that you don’t know what I mean by “waist”… it’s not at the hem of my jeans.
8) When a handshake becomes a hug. I’m not a dude.
9) You’re not letting go. This hug just keeps going on and on. When my arms are no longer around you… maybe that’s a cue that you should think about stopping the love-fest.
10) The “What is in your pocket…oh…” hug. I don’t think I need to explain this one. It’s just awkward on so many levels.
But this is NOT a public service announcement asking people to stop hugging me. In fact, it’s the opposite. To everyone who does it even though it’s awkward and I probably make them feel as rejected as a mealy watermelon, thank you. I’m grateful not because you give me fodder for my awkward blog, but because I know it’s important to step out of my comfort zone and do things that scare me.
So that’s the embarrassing revelation of the day, friends. I am kind of afraid to hug people. I’m not a leper or anything. No weird phobias or psychological problems (some people would tell you this is debatable). In fact, I was a really cuddly child. I was the one who just wanted to curl up on someone’s lap and snuggle. In fact, I still love snuggling. I love holding hands and dancing close and taking naps with someone you like a lot. I would go on, but my entire extended family reads this blog. You get the picture.
Almost two years ago, this fear of hugging thing started. It’s difficult to explain without sounding like a complete nutcase, so I won’t even try. I don’t even understand it, because I know it’s irrational. People are basically good and have good intentions, but I have trouble trusting in that.
Every time someone forces me to be uncomfortable, to be awkward, to be nervous, to be ungainly… I am grateful. I need the practice (and sometimes, I get on a roll and hug, like, ten people in one night. I did that at an event this fall and I’m pretty sure everyone thought I was drunk).
I was proofreading a psychology paper at my job the other day, and the student explained that in order to break a fear of, say, golden retrievers, the therapist would lock the phobic patient in a room with golden retrievers. I’m not suggesting that you hug me and never let me go. Just keep hugging me. I promise, it’ll be awkward. It’ll be a little scary for me, especially if you’re someone who, in the past, I’ve managed to avoid like the plague. But every time, it gets easier =)
Sorry this was so serious. Does this picture make it better?
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